Rus News Journal

How to present condolences

So it is got that people come to this world and leave it. Congratulations acquaintance at whom the child was born to speak easily. And here is how to find words for those who has lost relatives? Simply to tell: I Condole ? As - that is dry, as if their grief and does not touch you at all.

Often people speak: You strong, you will consult! life on it has not ended it is not necessary so to be killed Time heals . All it, maybe, and so. But very much callously sounds. After all when to the person it is bad, he does not want to be strong, cannot think about something the friend, except the pain. So to tell, that though as - that to facilitate to it bitterness of loss?

you not in the grief

We have asked one about it father Andrey, the prior of a temple of sacred martyr Raisa at institute of children`s haematology and transplantology of a name of Raisa Gorbachevoj. It worked some years in a hospice for onkobolnyh, then on first aid, in clinics SpbgMu. Almost every day it should communicate with the doomed patients, with their native. It is necessary to find words for those who has lost native and favourite. Only for last two months it had to bury 10 persons.

priest Andrey Bitjukov:

- it is not necessary to despair during troubles and tests. We are christians, followers of the Christ, going Its way. By deprivations, travails and otverzhenija. But we go not one. The Christ who promised to be with us always sees, till the end of time, our way, strengthens us and gives us hope of the joyful termination of this way. And that all in this transient life, both kind and difficult to conceive with pleasure, it is necessary to realise that in it can suddenly occur nothing and senselessly. Among travails we study very many: to appreciate the life, people, time, released to us. We see original value of that surrounds us.

if to someone nearby badly, be not afraid to be spent. Do not feel sorry time, forces, money for support. The person who is good, is not tired of it. The Lord gives forces to the aid of the near.

the love word is salutary

Perhaps, it is a bit easier to believing people to be reconciled with loss. But not all can find a support in belief. How to support such people? We have set this question to Elena Zabadykinoj. It works in the Petersburg female crisis psychological centre and every day communicates with those who has got to a misfortune.

the psychologist Elena Zabadykina:

- About death of the loved one it is possible to tell so: Over it so a great grief that it not to jump, under it not to creep, it not to bypass. Through it it is necessary to pass. And for this purpose it is necessary to find a door which conducts through a grief. We can help the person with it. The attention, the readiness to come to the rescue. It is not necessary to choose time when to feel sympathy. It is important always when you have learnt about the happened. It is not necessary and as - that to choose words. Simply enough to tell: it is a pity To me that so happens. But I nearby. You can always be converted to me, and I will help . And still it is possible to ask: I can call tomorrow to learn, how you? I advise to ask about it because the death of relatives always happens unexpectedly, it injures the person also because it appears is not ready to it. It has a sensation that on it in this life depends nothing. And when you ask, you as though remind the person that all - taki he makes decisions.  

There are situations when to the person who has lost close, so it is terrible that he from all hides. But it does not mean that our support is not necessary to it. When at my friend the father has died, I called to it. She did not take the call. Then I left to it messages on an answering machine. And then she to me has told that these words have very much helped it. It was important to it to know that someone worries about it.

once the person who has lost the relative, has told to me: I do not know, how to me to live now! On what I have responded: People choose time when to leave. And if you respected died and trusted it, means it is necessary to accept and its decision to leave right now instead of when someone another would consider it correct . Also remember: retelling of someone`s clever thoughts hardly will help the person, and your sincere words - can. Here a rule idle time: Any word told from love, will be salutary, and the words told from fear or a debt, hardly will heal.  

in the SUBJECT

Than still to support the person?


If you do not have possibility personally to feel sympathy, write the letter. Better so, than in any way.

it is accepted to write Condolences with own hand. Certainly, if it not the electronic letter.

except support words, it is possible to tell about those good and memorable moments which you have spent with the deceased. Will share memoirs which open it from the best and light parties.